“I don’t care!” My son declared, as he shot me a look that said, “And whattaya gonna do about it?” We were playing a board game, and my son (at the time) was still struggling to play by the rules.
I had asked him, “What are you going to do when you’re playing with your friends, and they get mad, or you hurt somebody’s feelings because you weren’t playing by the rules?”
“I don’t care.”
It echoed in my heart.
“I need a minute.” I walked out of the room. It was a lot to take in, hearing my son say he didn’t care with a defiant look on his face.
He was a little shocked, because we have a rule that none of us walk away from a conversation until we are all good and we are all done. And I was walking away, even if only for a moment (in his eyes, I had broken the rules). But I seriously needed that minute.
Why did it matter so much to me that he declared, “I don’t care!”?
Well, let me rewind.
I had gone through a life-epiphany several years before (before we adopted our son) that shook me to my core. “I don’t care” was the attitude I had developed about life.
The truth was, I really DID care about things- at first- but then so many hurts and wounds and offenses from other people came my way, that it just felt easier to stop caring. The “stop caring” attitude sent my life spiraling down-hill until I was so depressed that it was hard to even get out of bed. Every good thing in my life felt like it had died and I felt like the world had given up on me and moved on. The cold truth was, I was the one who had given up on the world, but I was living a lie that had developed within me from “not caring.” Thanks to the right people in my life to say the right things at the time, I woke up out of that lie.
That’s another story for a different day, but I know just exactly how dangerous the “I don’t care” attitude is, and that’s why it bothered me so much to see it in my son.
I came back into the dining room ten minutes later (I really did need longer than a minute to collect my thoughts), and I had something in my hands.
I first had to start with apologizing for walking away. “I’m sorry I walked away. I wasn’t ready to talk, and we need to talk, but I have some homework for you to do first.”
My son cringed at the word, “homework.”
“What?! No way! I’m not doing it!” he objected. Of course, he knew he was going to, whether he objected or not.
I handed him my “Dear Younger Me,” letters, which I had put into a book form for him.
He was still scowling. I pointed to the page I wanted him to read. “Read it.”
He shook his head angrily. “Nope.”
“Baby, do you know why we NEED to care?”
He just stared at me with a furrowed brow.
“Because the second you stop caring, is the very second that everything starts to die inside of you! When you stop caring, life gets zapped out of you, until there is nothing left! I lived a part of my life so dead inside, because I decided to stop caring. I was so far from walking in God’s purpose for my life not caring about anyone.
“I’m here to tell you that it’s impossible to be happy or find happiness being so far from God’s purpose. If you ever want to have joy in your life, you HAVE to care. You don’t have to care about EVERYTHING- but start with caring about what is right in front of you!
“Now, Baby Boy, read what I gave you.”
This time, he read it:
“Dear Younger Me,
You must be ever so careful in believing your indifference and apathy isn’t hurting anyone.
Look around you.
Who needs you?
Who is hurting that you can heal?
What void can you fill that you are too selfish to bother with right now?
No one ever changed the world with indifference. When did apathy accomplish anything? And when did you stop believing in caring? When you wake up, you will see your indifference caused more pain than you ever realized. Who are you that you are so important not to bother with a hurting world?
“I don’t care” is just another way of saying, “I’m too selfish.” You have no idea the effect your indifference has on the world.
Think about it.
The only reason you’re indifferent to the world around you, is because indifference was given to you at some point. What made you lose your passion? And who are you making indifferent tomorrow because of your indifference today? Indifference isn’t just your lack of passion; it’s your lack of care.
Of course, you don’t have to care at all, but you will never truly live until you have cared.
Think of indifference like a slow death of all that you were meant to be. One small act of kindness can change the world. Indifference is a million small acts of kindness never done. You will never come alive until you have to sacrifice something for someone else because you care. If you worry that if you care about something, you have to care about everything, you don’t; just look at what is right in from of you.
Who could you have been were it not for your apathy? Who can you still be?”
Baby Boy looked up from that book with different eyes. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Baby, I want you to know that Dad and I will NEVER stop caring about you. No matter what happens in your life, or what you do with your life, you will ALWAYS have two people in your life who CARE about you. We will NEVER STOP CARING about you. I care about you and I love you.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
I saw something come alive in his heart that day, and it has been there ever since.
Today…. my son cares… because somebody cared.
Don’t. Ever. Stop. Caring.
Author Anne Day 